Beard spells

This is a translation of a post originally published in 2017.

Greetings, munificent readers. As you know well, a wizard without a beard is just an elf that doesn't know how to fight, that's why today I bring you a list of beard-related spells for Lamentations of the Flame Princess.

Animate beard
Level: 5
Duration: 1 turn/level
Range: 0
A thick beard of the caster's choosing starts moving by itself following spoken commands of its owner, not the caster. The beard has a strength equal to its length in inches divided by two and as many DG as a third of its strength.

Beard to steel
Level: 6
Duration: 1 turn/level
Range: 120ft
The target of this spell can only be a beard of at least 3ft of length. Once casted, the user has two options -- it can make the bear envelope it's owner and become a resilient steel armor (providing +1 armor) or it can make it bind the owner and became an almost unbreakable prison.

Beard of holding
Level: 3
Duration: 1 turn/level + 1d6 turns
Range: 0
A beard of at least 1.5ft charmed with this spell becomes a beard of holding, that works just like a bag of holding. Once the effect is over, any object still inside the beard is ejected with some force (fragile objects may break).

Beard of entanglement
Level: 1
Duration: 1 turn/level
Range: 6ft/level
The caster's beard grows and traps any nearby hostile creatures among it's hairs. It can bind as many HD of creatures as the caster level. Thus a level 2 magic-user could capture two 1HD creatures or one 2HD crature. The caster may not choose the target creatures, instead the beard captures as many as it can within the spell range, starting from the ones with the less HD.

Flaming beard
Level: 3
Duration: 1turn/level
Range: 0
The caster's beard get's covered in flames that won't burn the caster or its belongings, but can ignite inflammable objects or cause fire damage. Enemies of lower level than the caster have a -1 malus to its morale rolls in their presence.

Flying beard
Level: 3
Duration: 2d6 + 1turn/level
Range: Touch
As the spell Fly, but lasts longer and you need a beard of at least 5ft.

Smite beardless
Level: 7
Duration: Instantaneous
Range: 6m/level
By the power of the bearded spirits, all those that lack a beard in a radius equal to the range of the spell suffer 3d6 of dammage. No save.

Create bond of beard love
Level: 1
Duration: (As Charm person)
Range: 120ft
Similar to Charm person, but it only works if both the caster and the target are bearded. It works with humanoides of up to 6HD.

Explosive hair growth
Level: 3
Duration: Permanent
Range: Touch
The target of the spell can only be a living being. Regardless of if the target can grow a beard or not, it's facial hair will grow exponentially uintil it becomes really long and as heavy as half the target's weight, making it hard for them to move.

Speak with beards
Level: 3
Duration: 1round/level
Range: 0
The caster can communicate both with beards and facial hair creatures. They can make questions to beards and get answer, and also request the to move to clear a path that was covered by facial hair. This spell doesn't make beards more friendly or cooperative than they would usually be. If a beard is in good terms with the caster, it could perform additional services.

Curse of beard's dearth
Level: 1
Duration: 1week/level
Range: 15ft/level
Any facial hair of this spell's target will immediately fall off and it won't grow back for the duration of the spell.

Ray of fabulous facial hair
Level: 3
Duration: Permanent
Range: 50ft
The target of this spell can only be a living being. If the spell works, the length of their beard doubles. If the target had no beard but was able to grow one, it gets a one of 1ft in length. If it couldn't grow a beard (like most women, elves, children, etc.) it gets one of 1/2ft. The beard will be silky and well groomed.

Regenerate facial hair
Level: 1
Duration: Permanent
Range: Touch
The target of this spell will regenerate its facial hair up to the maximum length it had in the last three days. This only takes into account length achieved through natural growth and not by using magic.

Thanks for reading. Valmar Cerenor!